i should’ve lied. 

30th August, 1:38 am. 

//Late again. It’s too late, for me to stay awake till this hour but, I couldn’t help myself but sit on the work chair and my work table with my journal before me. Yearning for the words to land on it. Yearning for the words that belong to you. I should’ve lied; about loving you. Like you did. I miss that sound on the other side of the door I used to hear, every third hour under the love emitted by the moon. I swear, it was stronger than yours. What I’ve always wanted was to be crowned, like I was not the queen, but a queen who was really loved. I know, and so does my heart; the sound I’d never hear again still haunts me, when it used to lighten up my soul before. I see things changing, not quite fast. I wish they did. I wish they moved forward quite as fast as you moved on. Even on some nights I think about the old us, and think about how we just ended. You did not steal my heart, instead you forced your own self to love me, and feigned love. You cannot be blamed equally. And it wasn’t really stealing. It was making me realise I was nothing, not a soul which could be loved easily. No, not love. But could be loved in feigned form. I cannot explain what happened next between us, nobody does. It’s you, who’s the only evidence: if something really happened or not. I blame you for making me grow Hatred towards myself. For tearing off my hair when I used to look at my reflection and saw the worst person who’s ever been; but that’s not my real name. Some might say it’s weakness. One thing I’ll never forget, I climbed up the top, no one believed me, this was his side of the story. Her’s was yet to be written.

Late again, the pages felt blank with just a dot yearning to form into phrases, but memories restrained me from writing; which I can’t disobey even if my pen starts working next minute. //



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